Hello World! This is my first blog post! I’m really excited about getting to share all of my thoughts, ideas, visions, and of course pictures with the world! I wanted to start off showing myself for the silly little girl that I am, so this is me, the not-so-glamorous version, getting my feet dirty after jumping around on a trampoline like a 5-year old.
As I'm sure you will discover soon enough, I am quite the complex gal; but one thing is fairly simple. I only want to be happy. (Don't we all?) But what makes a person happy? The answer is different for each of us. As for me, I do not care about money, or wealth, or fame, or success. Love and Freedom; those are the virtues I hold above all others. They are fleeting at best, but I will chase them until the day that I die because I crave them as much as I crave air or water. They are essential to my survival. Without them, I can exist but I cannot truly live. With this, comes the need to understand, and to be understood. I believe that you can never truly love someone until you understand them. And as love is an essential part of my happiness and very existence, thus is born an intrinsic desire in me to connect to others on a deep level.
If you've ever had a real conversation with me, you know that I absolutely despise small talk. It makes me crazy. It's fascinating and maddening how we have learned as a society to go about life, pretending we are communicating with each other when we are really not saying anything at all. We stand in a crowd with people we presume to call our friends, and talk about the weather and gossip about celebrities and overenthusiastically shell out shallow compliments over each other's manufactured appearances; yet we keep what we really feel to ourselves. Why? Why can't we say what we are really thinking? Why don't we talk about what we are feeling? We filter our words so that others don't judge us---and for what? They judge us anyway. Then they tell everyone else what they think about us, and smile blankly to our face while they talk about the weather, or what Miley Cyrus did last week, because saying what they honestly think is just not kosher.
Well, I refuse to play that game. I rather be told the truth a thousand times than be lied to once. Even if it hurts. Even if it's not what I want to hear. The world is not always full of sunshine. Sometimes it rains, and that's okay. I can pull out my umbrella and keep trucking along. But if you fill up my head with nothing but rainbows and butterflies, I won't know what to do when the sky comes crashing down on me. I won't ever learn to deal with disappointment. Or puddles.
I have spent 26 years living in my own head. Having so much to say and never having the chance to say it. Wishing to be honest and being told that the truth will push everyone around me away. So I sit and I write what I call letters to myself, letters that never reach their intended recipients. I pour my hopes and my dreams and my emotions all onto sheets of paper, and there they stay, between margins, safely shut from the world. But the reality of it is that those words are as much (if not more) a part of who I am as the rosy editorials I post on facebook, or the clever quips I tweet. And if I am ever to be understood, they deserve to be heard.
I am not perfect. It has taken me 26 years but I have finally come to terms with that fact. No longer will I strive towards it in the hopes of convincing the world (or myself) that I am somehow closer to it than I was yesterday. I am weird, and messy, and neurotic. I talk too much, think too much, feel too much, want too much, expect too much. I try incessantly to please everyone else around me and I am horribly insecure about my appearance. I trip over myself or knock something over at least once a day. I take too long to do everything. I am 98% positive I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. I make up stories and people and places in my head and I wish they were real. I think about things on a daily basis that some people don't think about in their entire lifetime. My common sense is not very common. I am weird. I do weird things. It make me who I am. I think it's about time that I embraced it.
For three and a half years now, the world has known me as Evie Lynn: the ultra sexy, confident, fashionista photographer, who lives a glamorous life and inspires others to follow their dreams. That is for sure the romanticized version of who I am, but there is so much more than that to me. I'm here to show you Evie Lynn: the girl. Raw and unfiltered; no hype, no pretense. This is not simply a blog, this is my diary. This is the one place on the web where I can go to be truly, unrelentingly myself. This is where I will share the beautiful images I dream up in my mind, and write the words hidden in the dusty corners of my soul. Where I will document the passionate adventures of my body, and speak the honest expressions of my heart. This is where i get to be 100% me, and I invite anyone who wishes to get to know me to share in my experience and watch me grow and grow with me throughout my adventures.
I will note that it is not easy to pour my heart out on the internet. I am being incredibly vulnerable and opening myself up to be judged and criticized and ridiculed. I am taking a risk, because I believe that it will be worth the reward. I spend most days feeling like I am speaking a different language than everyone else around me. It is frustrating to say the least. My hope is that through this diary, I will find other kindred souls who speak my language. Who understand and relate to me in a way I have not been able to connect to others I have met. The simple act of sharing my pictures have brought me an entire slew of admirers and inspiring, talented acquaintances. Maybe, my words will help me meet beautiful spirits and gain me lifelong friends. A girl can only hope.
That being said, if you ever feel connected to or have an opinion about anything I post, I want to hear it. Let's have engaging conversations about real topics. I am putting myself out there because I want to connect to you. So please, by all means, comment away. I want to hear what you have to say. This can be your space on the web to say what you really think, without the pressure of societal expectations. Honesty is always welcome here.
Welcome to my diary, to a small piece of my own little world. Hopefully you like it here as much as I do. :)