Small Victories.

Social media is a funny place. Most of my newsfeed consists of beautiful strangers who inspire me and I have massive FOMO over their fabulous lives. But sometimes, it has the opposite effect. Sometimes, I run into someone's profile who I used to know. I look at the lives of the people who used to make fun of me, of the girls who stole the boy I liked, of the boys who turned me away bc I was a tomboy or ugly duckling or not one of the populars. I look at the people that made me feel inadequate or not "cool" enough or didn't want to be friends with me. I look at them and their lives , most of which are painfully ordinary, and I know that I have risen above all of that. I watch them silently liking all my photos and following my adventures and praising my successes, and I realize that so many of them must feel about me the way I feel about the fabulous strangers I follow. I always wonder if they're proud of me, or jealous. Whether they roll their eyes or are genuinely surprised at the way life turned out or whether they like to forget the past and pretend we're friends now. 

The truth is, I still am and will always be that weird kid in the corner. I just learned to embrace my weirdness and let it work for me instead of trying to hide it under a facade of coolness. I no longer do whatever people want me to do just so they can like or accept me. I embrace and love myself and my chaotic life and my weird mismatched friends and my crazy loud family. I choose to honor my flaws as they give me character and fall in love with my mistakes. I'm taking back my own life and that starts with taking the power to hurt me out of the hands of other people who misuse it. By owning my own life and self and actions, I suddenly have no need for validation from anyone else. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. 

All of the rejection I experienced made me who I am today. It made me strong and resilient and able to adapt to overcome adversity. It made me strong willed and independent, full of hope and determination and perseverance to fight for what I believe in. It made me patient, and thoughtful, and compassionate. I am who I am today because of every struggle I've ever had to overcome. Because of my constant need to better myself and wanting to prove them all wrong. 

On days like today I feel like I have. Like I won. And it feels pretty damn good.