Ain't got the fever.

Just read 5 statuses IN A ROW on my newsfeed about having babies THIS MONTH. Many others scattered throughout. The amount of engagement/marriage posts are not far behind.

Meanwhile, I'm over here just trying to move across the country and chase adventures. 

I'm 27, and I don't have baby fever whatsoever. I don't have the itch to get married at the moment. I don't even have any potential suitors. 

I do want to get married and start a family someday. I am aware that there is an actual physical biological window within which this is possible, and the next 3 years are probably the optimal time. But if I had a say in it, I probably wouldn't even think about kids till maybe 35. I have so many dreams left to chase and I know once I decide to take the plunge, my life isn't my own anymore. My choices don't just affect me anymore. Until you're at the top, the industry I'm in (fashion, and photography in general) is a very fickle and unstable one. I have no means of raising a family right now. I'm fighting just to support myself. I'm just trying to be responsible.

Moreover, growing up I always wanted to marry and have kids young (25). Then that time came and it just didn't feel right. It still doesn't feel right.

I think it's okay not to be ready. I think it's okay to go your own path. I'm perfectly happy living my life my way. But dammit if society doesn't make me feel like shit about my choices, like I'm somehow doing it all wrong. It's one of the most common questions I get. People constantly remind me that I'm not getting any younger and ask when I'm going to settle down. The truth is I don't know. I'm not thinking about that right now. Whenever I meet a person worth being with for the rest of my days and the time feels right for both of us, I suppose. No I don't feel empty or alone. I love my life. I love my job. I love my family. I love my friends. I am still learning every day to love myself.

Don't get me wrong, I love children. I worked as a preschool teacher before I got into photography. I am absolutely elated for all of my friends taking these momentous steps into the next chapters of their lives. It makes me happy to see them happy. I just wish people didn't judge me so hard for wanting something different for myself. I too am taking a momentous step. It's just a different one. In 5 days, I am picking up my life and moving what little I have left 3,000 miles away to a city where I know only a handful of people, in passionate pursuit of a dream. To travel and live the life I've always imagined but been too afraid to take the reins of. My goal is to be happy with my life before I try to teach a child how they're supposed to live theirs. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 

I'm writing this partially for me, but mostly for anyone else who feels like this on the regular. I want you to know: it's okay. It's okay to break the mold and go your own way. It's okay not to do what everyone else is doing, even if it is the norm or what's expected. 

Personally, normal and expected are two things I have no desire to be anyway.